to love, laughter, and happily ever after

I'm sure it's pretty clear that the overwhelming theme of this blog is that you should reach out to everyone you know for favors and support in order to plan an affordable and special wedding. It also helps if you have the most supportive and loving future husband to help you through it.

Being engaged is actually not that fun. This fantasy idea that it's a magical time where you have tons of fun planning all the details of your special day is horribly inaccurate. You will fight over conflicting ideas (round tables vs. rectangular tables... I never knew I cared now much!). You will be stressed about money. You will never be able to please everyone. Your family and friends will be angry with you, whether passive aggressively or aggressively aggressively, about something.

Hopefully you will have an amazing partner to go through it all with. Before David, I didn't even think I wanted to get married. I didn't realize you could find a man who really did feel like a partner. Someone who was there for you, challenged you, supported you, surprised you, stood up for you, and understood you.

He was by my side the entire time and I have to tell you, I know there will come a time when you want to just say screw it and elope, but hang in there - there is something about sharing a dance with the guy you love in front of all the people who are important to you that might make you cry a little bit. In a good way. In the end, it's all worth it.

odds and ends and updates

Some things that didn't work their way into other posts...

In Atlantic City, I got my hair and makeup done at the Salon in the Tropicana. The salon itself looks little dated, and it's definitely the lower end choice compared to the other salon they have there, Blue Mercury. But it was perfect! Gretchen and I went for a trial a month before, and they only charged me $50. When I went back on the day of the ceremony, they did an even better job and it was $100. Still a good chunk of change but nothing compared to what other salons cost. I was so pleased and it looked great in the photos. I would definitely recommend them.

Oh and the cute flowers in my hair are from Forever 21. They cost me a total of about $4.

For the reception, my lovely and talented aunt Karen did my hair and makeup. It's what she does for a living and she was happy to help out. It was perfect, especially since I had been freaking out a little about the idea of having to pay for hair and makeup two times, and I know nothing about how to do my own.

I'm still working with the AC Special Events Office. I thought I was finally getting somewhere when they asked me to email over my insurance receipt. Then yesterday they called to say they are still working on it, and that they have some "other things in mind" for me that they don't want to tell me about yet. Yeah, sure you do. Today I got an email saying they needed me to fill out a "Tort Claim through Risk Management," and nothing was attached. As if I knew what a Tort Claim was. I replied but I'm skeptical I will hear anything back within the next two weeks. I'm sure they are hoping that I just forget about it... little do they know, I will bug them for the rest of my life if I don't at least get this $96 dollars back.

My husband is super handy and creative and made the following things with the dance floor...

Shelves in the basement!

A doghouse!

I will probably have one more post to wrap up the wedding portion of this blog, and then I might move on to house related things - we are currently planning on remodeling our bathroom (on the cheap, of course), and have been collecting things for that for the past month or so. The name of the blog won't make sense I guess but, as my mom always says, who gives a shit.

I get by with a little help from my friends

In order to have a successful wedding while spending very little money, you have to have some pretty stellar friends.

Gretchen pretty consistently did not piss me off or make me insane. From the minute I was engaged, she was asking what she could help with and if I needed anything. Of course as MOH she was responsible for the most important part of the wedding - the bachelorette party.

The timing was perfect - every summer we go to our Alma mater, Penn State, for Arts Fest. We spend about 8 minutes looking at crappy artwork, and the rest of the weekend we drink so much that the next morning we ponder whether or not it's time to go to the hospital because our skin looks transparent and our veins didn't seem so... veiny before (the answer is, no it's not time to go to the hospital, you just need some Denny's). And I never tire of hearing a 21 year old boy ask me what my major is and then argue with me that there is no way I am in my thirties. So, this year, Arts Fest was the weekend before my wedding - perfect time and location for my bachelorette!

Gretchen and I were there for the whole weekend, and Jeanette and Colette came out for Saturday night. We got tank tops that were decidedly not stupid - mine said, "I'm getting married, b*tches!" and theirs said "Girl's Night Out, Emily's Bachelorette." We looked uniform but not annoying. And the night was filled with free drinks, compliments, and laughter.

After the reception, Gretchen gave me a copy of her speech. It was basically like reading something you wrote yourself when asked what kind of person you hope other people see you as. And the best part was seeing how much she really knew and loved David.

"When Emily first met Dave, I thought that he was adorable, but they didn't seem to have much in common. What I didn't know at the time, was that their differences were so complementary, that they would help each other grow into somehow even better people over time. Dave challenges Emily when she is being difficult, and supports her when she needs it most. I have seen Emily give Dave her very biggest of smiles, which is inspiring. And since knowing Emily, I think Dave has become much funnier. I love you both."

Jeanette was another key player. She babysat my dog the night we got married in Atlantic City, and then the day of the reception she brought us Dunkin Donuts first thing in the morning and helped out all day long preparing the house and yard. David and I left a couple hours before people started coming to get ready at my mom's hotel, and Jeanette finished everything up and then greeted people at the door. She announced us as we entered the yard, and was basically our emcee for the night. And when we were in danger of running out of precious beer, she made a run to the distributor.

Basically without these two, we truly wouldn't have been able to do it. We are so lucky, and grateful.

eat, drink, and be married

Food and drink is what ultimately makes weddings so expensive. It really doesn't matter what the quality of the food is, at the end of the day, when you're feeding 70 people (which is a small group compared to most weddings), even if you go to McDonald's it's going to end up costing you some serious money. And if a wedding doesn't have an open bar I just want to throw a tantrum because, come on, seriously?

Having the reception at our house afforded us some more flexibility - I know most venues have caterers you are required to use when you rent their space, and so we were lucky in that we didn't have to deal with any of that. We were also the luckiest ever of all time that my mom is a superwoman and took care of basically all the food for our entire wedding.

When she asked what she could help out with and I said the food, I did not expect for her to caterer the entire thing and not ask for a cent from us. She came early Saturday morning with crock pots, prepared foods, serving trays, you name it, and spent the entire day cooking and setting up the spread in the basement. She brought a friend to help and also to keep an eye on things throughout the evening, and not once did I have to worry about trash or drink refills or any such thing. It was magical. It was by far the biggest help and largest money saving opportunity we had throughout the entire process.

Thanks, Mom!

And on top of that, the food was excellent! From fruit salad, to sausage and peppers, to hotdogs and hamburgers, there was a ton of variety and it all tasted amazing. The basement worked great for it - we had sangria set up on the upstairs kitchen table, so people could grab it as they walked out, and then put together a plate of food in the basement, and then take it all outside to the backyard where the tables were set up. The tables all had a bucket of beers and a carafe of white wine and one of red wine, which were refilled by my mom's friend as needed. Flawless.

So I know you aren't all fortunate enough to have a mom that can do this for you - my mom has a background in hospitality and knows a lot of caterers and so on. But you can definitely try to take advantage of those kinds of connections. She bought a lot of things at a restaurant supply kind of place where you could buy food in bulk, and that saved her a lot of money. And of course like I said, having the reception at your house will give you some more options, like cooking yourself or having people bring dishes, that you wouldn't have at most venues.

David and I were only responsible for the booze and the dessert. We knew we wanted cupcakes, and after a lot of searching decided to go with a company called Jimmies Cupcake Co. They were definitely the most reasonably priced and had the biggest selection. All the cupcakes are named after a famous "Jimmy" - we went with the James Bond (red velvet), James Caan (vanilla with strawberry frosting), Jesse James (vanilla with chocolate icing), and James Monroe (chocolate with vanilla frosting). They asked what our colors were and even decorated the cupcakes to match, and delivered them on Saturday morning. They were bigger than I expected and looked great, and were absolutely delicious!

For drinks we decided to go with beer, wine, and sangria. I found a sangria recipe online that was super simple - just blush wine, strawberry lemonade (actually it called for watermelon lemonade but good luck finding that), strawberries, and watermelon. We filled a giant beverage dispenser with that and it was gone in about 8 minutes. We got all the wine in boxes which was way more affordable, and from Total Wine in Delaware, which is super cheap and there are no taxes! I've heard mixed opinions on whether or not it's exactly legal to buy alcohol in Delaware and bring it to Pennsylvania but after doing some research it looks like as long as it's just for personal use it's okay. There we also got a bottle of wedding cake flavored vodka, which we did shots of at the reception.

The beer we got from a distributor by our house, just some Miller Lite and Yuengling. Overall, we spent just over $200 for the cupcakes (and that's including delivery), and about $400 on the alcohol. I just googled the national average cost of wedding cakes and desserts and it came up as $451, and a beer and wine bar for our size would have likely been about $1500. Nobody complained about the selection, and there was more than enough for everyone (in fact, I still have about half a box of red wine in my refrigerator).

Cheers!

pitching a tent

It was almost 95 degrees when we got married in Atlantic City. Our photographer's drenched shirt in this picture says it all (don't mind my weird face):

Since both our ceremony and our reception were taking place outdoors, our eyes were glued to the weather forecasts all week leading up to both events. Even though it was super hot in AC, I was just glad that it was sunny with not a cloud in sight. It looked less promising for Saturday - hot, with a 50% chance of thunderstorms.

We had no back up plan. Our row home would not accommodate 70 people. There was no budget for a last minute venue change. I started calling tent companies to see if we could rent one at the last minute. Tents & Events was extremely rude to me, making me feel like an idiot for waiting until the last minute (even though they totally had tents available, as I knew they would), and then even laughing at me when they asked how the tent would get to the yard and I said "through the house." Look lady, I've never rented a tent before, I don't know what the right answer is! She then said she would get back to me later that day, and never did. They were extremely unprofessional and I would not recommend doing business with them.

After searching for a bit online, we once again found that like the dance floor, it was actually cheaper to buy a tent than to rent one. We had only a few days before the reception, so the biggest issue was shipping. We purchased a 10'x30' white tent on amazon, with two day shipping, and it came to about $250 - still over $100 cheaper than renting it, plus we got to have the tent then, or sell it, or whatever. I think this is the exact one. We got some mixed messages about shipping and thought we weren't going to see the thing until the Monday after our reception, so that caused some anxiety and elevated blood pressure, but all we could do was wait. And then on Friday morning, we saw a gigantic box on our stoop and let out a huge sigh of relief. Oh, and PS, we got it into our yard by carrying it THROUGH THE HOUSE. In your face, Tents & Events.

Assembling it was actually very easy. The tent looked really pretty, and even though it wasn't really heavy duty, I was confident that it would do the job. We tied the poles to the fence to give it some extra support and that seemed to do the trick.

While we were putting the tent up, our neighbor yelled from his yard that he had another smaller tent that we could borrow to cover the dance floor if we wanted (this one went the entire length of our lawn until the dance floor, and we hadn't come up with a solution for that yet). We of course said YES and ran over. While there he also gave us a large fan, and offered up a bunch of tools if we needed them. We didn't know him very well and I thought it was so sweet of him to do all of this for us.

The whole experience really made me appreciate my block. The week before we had gone around to each house and hung a lollipop with a note on it on their doorknobs, explaining that we would be having the reception in our yard and there would be music until about 10pm, and I put my email address so they could contact me if they had any questions or concerns. From then on, anytime we left the house, random neighbors were shouting congratulations or offering help or advice. It was the first time I really felt this connection to my street, and it made me want to get to know them all better.

Our neighbors tent was perfect - it picked up right where ours left off and covered the dance floor, all except for about two feet on the side. And that night, it didn't rain until the very last song, and everyone started cheering. It was a relief actually - it made the night cool down, and people were even standing on the uncovered section of the yard to dance in it. As you can tell, the people I surround myself with embrace the saying on our napkins, and always have a glass that's half full.

beg, borrow, and buy cheap stuff

The best advice I can give you is that if you are having your reception at your own home and you need stuff - tables, chairs, decorations, anything - ask around and more likely than not, someone you know has it and will lend it to you. We borrowed a bunch of lanterns and ribbon from a woman I work with named Alyssa who got married recently. Newlyweds can be your biggest resource. I know I have two boxes full of stuff I would gladly give or lend to a friend in need. All of our tables and some chairs came from our parents and friends, and my job let me borrow another 30 chairs, speakers, and a microphone. I'd like to think it was that moment from It's a Wonderful Life where George gets all that money from his friends for being such a good guy to everyone, just instead of money it was folding chairs.

Another friend got all of our music for us through what I'm sure were completely legal means. We sent him our song list and he got us all 4 hours of music, and it cost us nothing.

There were a few things we had to buy, and we headed right to Oriental Trading. Terrible name, amazing online store. You should use this site for any party planning, and it's also great around the holidays. You get stuff in large quantities for super cheap prices. We got our plastic table cloths and clips to hold them on, paper lanterns, directional signage, shot glasses, beer buckets that said "eat, drink, and be married" which were our "centerpieces," the cardboard frames people used in the photo booth, and some hilarious novelty toilet paper, all for under a hundred bucks. Party City supplied us with all the plates, cups, and napkins we needed. I loved our napkins - blue and white, with the message "may your drink always be half full."

We found the lights we wanted at Target, and some other miscellaneous items at an Odd Lot Outlet - sparklers, citronella candles, and some other random things. And after searching through what seemed like 189 stores for carafes for the wine, we found exactly what we wanted at IKEA for two bucks each.

I would say for all of our set up in the yard and house, the tables and chairs, the plates and cups, all of the decorations, we probably spent under $300. Considering what most people spend of flowers, centerpieces, linens, and all that, we did pretty darn good. And I must say, it all looked perfect and adorable, and so very us.

everybody dance now

What's the most important thing at a wedding reception (besides alcohol)? Dancing!

We shopped around at different companies, the same ones that rented out tables and chairs had dance floors as well, and we asked for quotes. This is when we discovered that dance floors are the most expensive thing to rent on the planet. Mostly because the companies that rent them out require them to be tented, and you have to rent the tent from them as well, which basically doubles the cost. The average price for a tent and dance floor the size we wanted was about $500. Since we had budgeted less than half that (based on doing absolutely no research on the subject), we wanted to check out some other options.

I started looking for dance floors for sale on craigslist, and David was trying to find out how to build one on a budget. He found a blog (I heard that's where all the greatest thinkers share their ideas and experiences now) with detailed instructions on building a floor using plywood, and after pricing everything out we decided that was the way to go.

Originally we were going to buy a bunch of 2x4s and build the base of the dance floor, but then I had the brilliant idea of just getting a bunch of wooden pallets and attaching the plywood to the top, essentially cutting the work in half. David found free pallets on craigslist pretty easily, and one day he rented a UHaul and picked them up, and the plywood as well. And then my basement looked like this:

For like, a while.

Finally we got everything we needed, and were ready to start putting it all together. First we laid out the plywood and painted it white. It took about a million coats, since the wood is so porous. I had the great idea of painting the LOVE image on it, which was a big job, since there were six pieces of plywood that needed to be broken up into the four letters, and we were drawing out the entire thing with just a pencil and a tape measure. We had to call in reinforcements. And thanks to Gretchen and Dan, it came out beautiful.

Then we stacked the plywood pieces against the house, and David arranged the pallet base.

Now, the idea was to space out the pallets so that the plywood overlapped them, making it sturdier once everything was nailed down. Unfortunately, someone (I will give you a hint: it wasn't me) didn't plan this out well, and the plywood ended up covering the exact same space as the pallets covered. It's hard to explain, but the end result was an uneven dance floor. We had to take pieces of other pallets and random pieces of wood and kind of Frankenstein up the underneath so that it was stable.

Finally we swept all the dirt and ants off of it, put on a top coat of polyurethane, and we were ready to go. I was kind of shocked by how beautiful it came out. So unique and special. Everyone commented on it - it was a hit! And it made our reception so much more special than some generic rented dance floor. Even better, I would say the total cost ended up being about $150, including the UHaul rental. Of course, now we have a pile of plywood and pallets in our backyard. But I guess it just serves as a nice reminder of the amazing time we had dancing the night away.