to love, laughter, and happily ever after

I'm sure it's pretty clear that the overwhelming theme of this blog is that you should reach out to everyone you know for favors and support in order to plan an affordable and special wedding. It also helps if you have the most supportive and loving future husband to help you through it.

Being engaged is actually not that fun. This fantasy idea that it's a magical time where you have tons of fun planning all the details of your special day is horribly inaccurate. You will fight over conflicting ideas (round tables vs. rectangular tables... I never knew I cared now much!). You will be stressed about money. You will never be able to please everyone. Your family and friends will be angry with you, whether passive aggressively or aggressively aggressively, about something.

Hopefully you will have an amazing partner to go through it all with. Before David, I didn't even think I wanted to get married. I didn't realize you could find a man who really did feel like a partner. Someone who was there for you, challenged you, supported you, surprised you, stood up for you, and understood you.

He was by my side the entire time and I have to tell you, I know there will come a time when you want to just say screw it and elope, but hang in there - there is something about sharing a dance with the guy you love in front of all the people who are important to you that might make you cry a little bit. In a good way. In the end, it's all worth it.

odds and ends and updates

Some things that didn't work their way into other posts...

In Atlantic City, I got my hair and makeup done at the Salon in the Tropicana. The salon itself looks little dated, and it's definitely the lower end choice compared to the other salon they have there, Blue Mercury. But it was perfect! Gretchen and I went for a trial a month before, and they only charged me $50. When I went back on the day of the ceremony, they did an even better job and it was $100. Still a good chunk of change but nothing compared to what other salons cost. I was so pleased and it looked great in the photos. I would definitely recommend them.

Oh and the cute flowers in my hair are from Forever 21. They cost me a total of about $4.

For the reception, my lovely and talented aunt Karen did my hair and makeup. It's what she does for a living and she was happy to help out. It was perfect, especially since I had been freaking out a little about the idea of having to pay for hair and makeup two times, and I know nothing about how to do my own.

I'm still working with the AC Special Events Office. I thought I was finally getting somewhere when they asked me to email over my insurance receipt. Then yesterday they called to say they are still working on it, and that they have some "other things in mind" for me that they don't want to tell me about yet. Yeah, sure you do. Today I got an email saying they needed me to fill out a "Tort Claim through Risk Management," and nothing was attached. As if I knew what a Tort Claim was. I replied but I'm skeptical I will hear anything back within the next two weeks. I'm sure they are hoping that I just forget about it... little do they know, I will bug them for the rest of my life if I don't at least get this $96 dollars back.

My husband is super handy and creative and made the following things with the dance floor...

Shelves in the basement!

A doghouse!

I will probably have one more post to wrap up the wedding portion of this blog, and then I might move on to house related things - we are currently planning on remodeling our bathroom (on the cheap, of course), and have been collecting things for that for the past month or so. The name of the blog won't make sense I guess but, as my mom always says, who gives a shit.

I get by with a little help from my friends

In order to have a successful wedding while spending very little money, you have to have some pretty stellar friends.

Gretchen pretty consistently did not piss me off or make me insane. From the minute I was engaged, she was asking what she could help with and if I needed anything. Of course as MOH she was responsible for the most important part of the wedding - the bachelorette party.

The timing was perfect - every summer we go to our Alma mater, Penn State, for Arts Fest. We spend about 8 minutes looking at crappy artwork, and the rest of the weekend we drink so much that the next morning we ponder whether or not it's time to go to the hospital because our skin looks transparent and our veins didn't seem so... veiny before (the answer is, no it's not time to go to the hospital, you just need some Denny's). And I never tire of hearing a 21 year old boy ask me what my major is and then argue with me that there is no way I am in my thirties. So, this year, Arts Fest was the weekend before my wedding - perfect time and location for my bachelorette!

Gretchen and I were there for the whole weekend, and Jeanette and Colette came out for Saturday night. We got tank tops that were decidedly not stupid - mine said, "I'm getting married, b*tches!" and theirs said "Girl's Night Out, Emily's Bachelorette." We looked uniform but not annoying. And the night was filled with free drinks, compliments, and laughter.

After the reception, Gretchen gave me a copy of her speech. It was basically like reading something you wrote yourself when asked what kind of person you hope other people see you as. And the best part was seeing how much she really knew and loved David.

"When Emily first met Dave, I thought that he was adorable, but they didn't seem to have much in common. What I didn't know at the time, was that their differences were so complementary, that they would help each other grow into somehow even better people over time. Dave challenges Emily when she is being difficult, and supports her when she needs it most. I have seen Emily give Dave her very biggest of smiles, which is inspiring. And since knowing Emily, I think Dave has become much funnier. I love you both."

Jeanette was another key player. She babysat my dog the night we got married in Atlantic City, and then the day of the reception she brought us Dunkin Donuts first thing in the morning and helped out all day long preparing the house and yard. David and I left a couple hours before people started coming to get ready at my mom's hotel, and Jeanette finished everything up and then greeted people at the door. She announced us as we entered the yard, and was basically our emcee for the night. And when we were in danger of running out of precious beer, she made a run to the distributor.

Basically without these two, we truly wouldn't have been able to do it. We are so lucky, and grateful.

eat, drink, and be married

Food and drink is what ultimately makes weddings so expensive. It really doesn't matter what the quality of the food is, at the end of the day, when you're feeding 70 people (which is a small group compared to most weddings), even if you go to McDonald's it's going to end up costing you some serious money. And if a wedding doesn't have an open bar I just want to throw a tantrum because, come on, seriously?

Having the reception at our house afforded us some more flexibility - I know most venues have caterers you are required to use when you rent their space, and so we were lucky in that we didn't have to deal with any of that. We were also the luckiest ever of all time that my mom is a superwoman and took care of basically all the food for our entire wedding.

When she asked what she could help out with and I said the food, I did not expect for her to caterer the entire thing and not ask for a cent from us. She came early Saturday morning with crock pots, prepared foods, serving trays, you name it, and spent the entire day cooking and setting up the spread in the basement. She brought a friend to help and also to keep an eye on things throughout the evening, and not once did I have to worry about trash or drink refills or any such thing. It was magical. It was by far the biggest help and largest money saving opportunity we had throughout the entire process.

Thanks, Mom!

And on top of that, the food was excellent! From fruit salad, to sausage and peppers, to hotdogs and hamburgers, there was a ton of variety and it all tasted amazing. The basement worked great for it - we had sangria set up on the upstairs kitchen table, so people could grab it as they walked out, and then put together a plate of food in the basement, and then take it all outside to the backyard where the tables were set up. The tables all had a bucket of beers and a carafe of white wine and one of red wine, which were refilled by my mom's friend as needed. Flawless.

So I know you aren't all fortunate enough to have a mom that can do this for you - my mom has a background in hospitality and knows a lot of caterers and so on. But you can definitely try to take advantage of those kinds of connections. She bought a lot of things at a restaurant supply kind of place where you could buy food in bulk, and that saved her a lot of money. And of course like I said, having the reception at your house will give you some more options, like cooking yourself or having people bring dishes, that you wouldn't have at most venues.

David and I were only responsible for the booze and the dessert. We knew we wanted cupcakes, and after a lot of searching decided to go with a company called Jimmies Cupcake Co. They were definitely the most reasonably priced and had the biggest selection. All the cupcakes are named after a famous "Jimmy" - we went with the James Bond (red velvet), James Caan (vanilla with strawberry frosting), Jesse James (vanilla with chocolate icing), and James Monroe (chocolate with vanilla frosting). They asked what our colors were and even decorated the cupcakes to match, and delivered them on Saturday morning. They were bigger than I expected and looked great, and were absolutely delicious!

For drinks we decided to go with beer, wine, and sangria. I found a sangria recipe online that was super simple - just blush wine, strawberry lemonade (actually it called for watermelon lemonade but good luck finding that), strawberries, and watermelon. We filled a giant beverage dispenser with that and it was gone in about 8 minutes. We got all the wine in boxes which was way more affordable, and from Total Wine in Delaware, which is super cheap and there are no taxes! I've heard mixed opinions on whether or not it's exactly legal to buy alcohol in Delaware and bring it to Pennsylvania but after doing some research it looks like as long as it's just for personal use it's okay. There we also got a bottle of wedding cake flavored vodka, which we did shots of at the reception.

The beer we got from a distributor by our house, just some Miller Lite and Yuengling. Overall, we spent just over $200 for the cupcakes (and that's including delivery), and about $400 on the alcohol. I just googled the national average cost of wedding cakes and desserts and it came up as $451, and a beer and wine bar for our size would have likely been about $1500. Nobody complained about the selection, and there was more than enough for everyone (in fact, I still have about half a box of red wine in my refrigerator).

Cheers!

pitching a tent

It was almost 95 degrees when we got married in Atlantic City. Our photographer's drenched shirt in this picture says it all (don't mind my weird face):

Since both our ceremony and our reception were taking place outdoors, our eyes were glued to the weather forecasts all week leading up to both events. Even though it was super hot in AC, I was just glad that it was sunny with not a cloud in sight. It looked less promising for Saturday - hot, with a 50% chance of thunderstorms.

We had no back up plan. Our row home would not accommodate 70 people. There was no budget for a last minute venue change. I started calling tent companies to see if we could rent one at the last minute. Tents & Events was extremely rude to me, making me feel like an idiot for waiting until the last minute (even though they totally had tents available, as I knew they would), and then even laughing at me when they asked how the tent would get to the yard and I said "through the house." Look lady, I've never rented a tent before, I don't know what the right answer is! She then said she would get back to me later that day, and never did. They were extremely unprofessional and I would not recommend doing business with them.

After searching for a bit online, we once again found that like the dance floor, it was actually cheaper to buy a tent than to rent one. We had only a few days before the reception, so the biggest issue was shipping. We purchased a 10'x30' white tent on amazon, with two day shipping, and it came to about $250 - still over $100 cheaper than renting it, plus we got to have the tent then, or sell it, or whatever. I think this is the exact one. We got some mixed messages about shipping and thought we weren't going to see the thing until the Monday after our reception, so that caused some anxiety and elevated blood pressure, but all we could do was wait. And then on Friday morning, we saw a gigantic box on our stoop and let out a huge sigh of relief. Oh, and PS, we got it into our yard by carrying it THROUGH THE HOUSE. In your face, Tents & Events.

Assembling it was actually very easy. The tent looked really pretty, and even though it wasn't really heavy duty, I was confident that it would do the job. We tied the poles to the fence to give it some extra support and that seemed to do the trick.

While we were putting the tent up, our neighbor yelled from his yard that he had another smaller tent that we could borrow to cover the dance floor if we wanted (this one went the entire length of our lawn until the dance floor, and we hadn't come up with a solution for that yet). We of course said YES and ran over. While there he also gave us a large fan, and offered up a bunch of tools if we needed them. We didn't know him very well and I thought it was so sweet of him to do all of this for us.

The whole experience really made me appreciate my block. The week before we had gone around to each house and hung a lollipop with a note on it on their doorknobs, explaining that we would be having the reception in our yard and there would be music until about 10pm, and I put my email address so they could contact me if they had any questions or concerns. From then on, anytime we left the house, random neighbors were shouting congratulations or offering help or advice. It was the first time I really felt this connection to my street, and it made me want to get to know them all better.

Our neighbors tent was perfect - it picked up right where ours left off and covered the dance floor, all except for about two feet on the side. And that night, it didn't rain until the very last song, and everyone started cheering. It was a relief actually - it made the night cool down, and people were even standing on the uncovered section of the yard to dance in it. As you can tell, the people I surround myself with embrace the saying on our napkins, and always have a glass that's half full.

beg, borrow, and buy cheap stuff

The best advice I can give you is that if you are having your reception at your own home and you need stuff - tables, chairs, decorations, anything - ask around and more likely than not, someone you know has it and will lend it to you. We borrowed a bunch of lanterns and ribbon from a woman I work with named Alyssa who got married recently. Newlyweds can be your biggest resource. I know I have two boxes full of stuff I would gladly give or lend to a friend in need. All of our tables and some chairs came from our parents and friends, and my job let me borrow another 30 chairs, speakers, and a microphone. I'd like to think it was that moment from It's a Wonderful Life where George gets all that money from his friends for being such a good guy to everyone, just instead of money it was folding chairs.

Another friend got all of our music for us through what I'm sure were completely legal means. We sent him our song list and he got us all 4 hours of music, and it cost us nothing.

There were a few things we had to buy, and we headed right to Oriental Trading. Terrible name, amazing online store. You should use this site for any party planning, and it's also great around the holidays. You get stuff in large quantities for super cheap prices. We got our plastic table cloths and clips to hold them on, paper lanterns, directional signage, shot glasses, beer buckets that said "eat, drink, and be married" which were our "centerpieces," the cardboard frames people used in the photo booth, and some hilarious novelty toilet paper, all for under a hundred bucks. Party City supplied us with all the plates, cups, and napkins we needed. I loved our napkins - blue and white, with the message "may your drink always be half full."

We found the lights we wanted at Target, and some other miscellaneous items at an Odd Lot Outlet - sparklers, citronella candles, and some other random things. And after searching through what seemed like 189 stores for carafes for the wine, we found exactly what we wanted at IKEA for two bucks each.

I would say for all of our set up in the yard and house, the tables and chairs, the plates and cups, all of the decorations, we probably spent under $300. Considering what most people spend of flowers, centerpieces, linens, and all that, we did pretty darn good. And I must say, it all looked perfect and adorable, and so very us.

everybody dance now

What's the most important thing at a wedding reception (besides alcohol)? Dancing!

We shopped around at different companies, the same ones that rented out tables and chairs had dance floors as well, and we asked for quotes. This is when we discovered that dance floors are the most expensive thing to rent on the planet. Mostly because the companies that rent them out require them to be tented, and you have to rent the tent from them as well, which basically doubles the cost. The average price for a tent and dance floor the size we wanted was about $500. Since we had budgeted less than half that (based on doing absolutely no research on the subject), we wanted to check out some other options.

I started looking for dance floors for sale on craigslist, and David was trying to find out how to build one on a budget. He found a blog (I heard that's where all the greatest thinkers share their ideas and experiences now) with detailed instructions on building a floor using plywood, and after pricing everything out we decided that was the way to go.

Originally we were going to buy a bunch of 2x4s and build the base of the dance floor, but then I had the brilliant idea of just getting a bunch of wooden pallets and attaching the plywood to the top, essentially cutting the work in half. David found free pallets on craigslist pretty easily, and one day he rented a UHaul and picked them up, and the plywood as well. And then my basement looked like this:

For like, a while.

Finally we got everything we needed, and were ready to start putting it all together. First we laid out the plywood and painted it white. It took about a million coats, since the wood is so porous. I had the great idea of painting the LOVE image on it, which was a big job, since there were six pieces of plywood that needed to be broken up into the four letters, and we were drawing out the entire thing with just a pencil and a tape measure. We had to call in reinforcements. And thanks to Gretchen and Dan, it came out beautiful.

Then we stacked the plywood pieces against the house, and David arranged the pallet base.

Now, the idea was to space out the pallets so that the plywood overlapped them, making it sturdier once everything was nailed down. Unfortunately, someone (I will give you a hint: it wasn't me) didn't plan this out well, and the plywood ended up covering the exact same space as the pallets covered. It's hard to explain, but the end result was an uneven dance floor. We had to take pieces of other pallets and random pieces of wood and kind of Frankenstein up the underneath so that it was stable.

Finally we swept all the dirt and ants off of it, put on a top coat of polyurethane, and we were ready to go. I was kind of shocked by how beautiful it came out. So unique and special. Everyone commented on it - it was a hit! And it made our reception so much more special than some generic rented dance floor. Even better, I would say the total cost ended up being about $150, including the UHaul rental. Of course, now we have a pile of plywood and pallets in our backyard. But I guess it just serves as a nice reminder of the amazing time we had dancing the night away.

the best laid plans of mice and men often go awry

David and I love Atlantic City. We both have fun gambling, and I love the lights and the beach and the buffets and the late nights. I had never been there until I went with David, and we have gone several times since, and it has kind of a special place in our hearts, no matter how sad and trashy others might think it is.

We wanted to get married there, but had already decided we should have the reception at our house to save money. The solution we came up with was to just ask our immediate family and a few close friends to come with us to AC on a Thursday night and have our ceremony then, with the reception the Saturday after that in Philadelphia.

We wanted to have the ceremony on a stage on the boardwalk across from the Convention Center, called Kennedy Plaza. It's a beautiful spot - wooden with columns behind it and the beach in the background, elevated slightly above to boardwalk. Our entire group would fit on the stage and we planned to just have everyone stand, since our ceremony was going to be very short. We did some research and found that to get a permit for the space, you had to fill out a form and buy one day liability insurance, and submit that to the Special Events Office. The permit was free, and the insurance was just under $100. After we mailed that in, we received our permit shortly, and were all set to have our romantic and intimate ceremony on the stage.

David wanted to decorate the stage in some way, while I thought the great thing about it was that it needed no decoration. I also didn't want to have people go over early to set stuff up and then have to stay afterwards to clean up. I wanted to get there, get married, and be on our way. Our compromise was real rose petals, which we would scatter all over the stage, and could leave there to be blown away afterwards. I ordered them online from a website called Fresh Petal - 6,000 petals for about $140. I did this to make David happy, when really the idea of $140 literally blowing away was a little nauseating to me.

About two weeks before the wedding, I received an email from Bunches West, the shop that Fresh Petal must have ordered the petals from (I imagine they find local shops to deliver the petals to you), and it was a "refund confirmation." Sure enough I looked in my bank account and there was the $140 I had paid months earlier. I had never been notified that the order was cancelled, so I was a bit confused. After three emails asking about it with no response, I sent them a final one that stated I still wished to be filled in on what happened, but to please not replace the order as we did not want to give them our business anymore. I have to admit I was not devastated by it, since I was not a huge fan of the petals in the first place, but I was super annoyed that they had not communicated what was going on with me. To this day, I've heard nothing from them.

We were fortunate the petals didn't come, because we wouldn't have been able to use them anyway. When David and his group walked out to the stage we had reserved to wait for me and my group to come down to meet them, they were surprised to find a jazz band setting up on the stage and people waiting in the audience for the concert that was apparently happening at the same exact time as our ceremony! He was informed that these concerts happen every Thursday and that this was the first one of the summer. Everyone started frantically looking for other spots that would work for our ceremony, and suddenly everyone in my group had their cell phones start ringing. It was hectic and stressful and I had an attitude of "just tell me where to go and I will go there," since I was in my wedding dress and steps away from the boardwalk.

Nice shot of me on the phone with Sean trying to figure out where the ceremony should be - a perfect time for a photo!

David and the photographer found a really lovely spot right next to the stage, surrounded by pink flowers and with the beach still in the background. I walked over to him with my dad, and I couldn't have cared less in that moment that we weren't on the stage. Looking back on it, our pictures are beautiful and everything was perfect - save for the fact that nobody could hear our vows over the loud band that was right next to us. But the band did announce us after we kissed, and dedicated a song to us - You Make Me Feel So Young. You just had to laugh.

Our spot allowed for some authentic Atlantic City characters to wander into our shots, like the classy lady on the right here...

And in this beautiful photo, you can see the audience who had gathered for the jazz band concert!

Something that added to the intimacy (and affordability) of our ceremony was that we were married by our friend Mike, one of Dave's oldest friends who was actually with him the night we met. When we were looking for an officiant, I was having a hard time finding someone I liked, and I thought it would be so much more special if it was someone who was important to us. I didn't want a stranger in our pictures, especially when there were only 14 of us there, it just didn't seem to make sense. And Mike has a big personality, and I thought he would be perfect for the job. Mike was thrilled to do it, and he was ordained online at American Marriage Ministries for a small fee.

Mike did a great job, and put together a really special ceremony for us. It was perfection. David and I also spent a long time trying to find the perfect vows. We didn't want to write them ourselves, and we didn't want anything religious or too long. I also have a huge aversion to the traditional "til death do us part" or "as long as we both shall live." Not that I don't hope for that, it just seems so somber and unnecessary, and like kind of a lot of pressure. Finally we found these (and I will copy them here so our families can actually know what we said to one another):

(Name), do you take this (man/woman) as your (husband/wife), your friend, and your companion? Do you promise to share your life with his/hers; build your dreams together, support him/her through times of trouble, and celebrate with him/her in times of happiness; and treat him/her with respect and love through all the trials and triumphs of your lives together?

I, (name), take you, (name), to be my (husband/wife), loving what I know of you, and trusting what I do not yet know. I look forward to the chance to grow together, getting to know the (man/woman) you will become, and falling in love a little more every day. I promise to love you through whatever life may bring us.

I give this ring as my gift to you. Wear it and think of me and know that I love you.

After the ceremony we took our "portraits" on the miniature golf course and on the boardwalk, and then we treated our group to dinner. Originally we wanted to go to Cuba Libre, but when I called to make a reservation they informed me that groups over 10 would have to rent a space and have a pre-selected menu, the cost starting at $80 per person. We called a couple other places and were starting to think that we would be having our first dinner and husband and wife at Hooters, when we lucked out and called Carmine's. This Italian family style restaurant was perfect, and we had just the right amount of people to still be able to order off the regular menu. We got two appetizers, four entrees, two sides, two desserts, and about two drinks per person, and the total including tax and tip was about $500. The food was excellent and there was more than the 14 of us could possibly eat, and the atmosphere was fun and festive.

Getting married on a Thursday lended itself to a lot of money saving opportunities. At the Tropicana (our absolute favorite AC hotel and casino), our room was cheap to begin with, and when we told them we were getting married that night they upgraded us to a suite with a jacuzzi at no extra cost! Gambling that night was a blast with low minimums, and we also went to this club called Boogie Nights which normally place songs from the 70s and 80s, but on Thursday night has 90s night - perfect for us! There was no cover if you were staying at the Tropicana, and the drink specials were totally reasonable. We were up until 5am dancing, playing craps, and relaxing in the jacuzzi.

I'm still trying to get answers (and money) from the Special Events Office because of the the stage debacle. As of right now, I have sent them 12 emails and gotten back 2 vague responses. It's been over a month. Even still, I think our ceremony was perfect, and now Atlantic City is even more special to us.

worth a thousand words

Finding a photographer we could afford was possibly the most challenging thing we encountered when planning the wedding. Since we were having the ceremony in Atlantic City on a Thursday night, and then the reception in Philadelphia the following Saturday, it was extremely difficult to find someone to do both and not bust our budget. And while our wedding was casual and non traditional, we still agreed that it was very important to us to have a professional photographer at both events, and that while we didn't have a ton of money to spend on it, it was still something we were willing to put a little extra into. After all, the pictures are the only thing you have that doesn't last just the one (or two) day(s). Oh, and the marriage. That hopefully lasts a while too.

I contacted a photographer whose work I liked that I followed on facebook, and he was out of our price range. He did however give me some amazing advice - he suggested I contact the Press of Atlantic City and ask to be connected to their photo department. Then he said I should ask if anyone did freelance work for weddings, and ask if they would spend two hours shooting my ceremony. While he wasn't sure what to tell me about my reception in Philly, he said that a freelance photographer from the paper might be more affordable for the ceremony in AC.

I feel SO lucky that my inquiry was responded to by Sean Fitzgerld. After a few email exchanges, he agreed to photograph the ceremony in AC for two hours, and also travel to Philadelphia to photograph the reception for five hours. Afterwards he would edit the photos, give us access to them all on his website, and send them to us in both color and black and white on a disc, giving us rights to the photos so we could share and make prints all we wanted.

I'm not even going to tell you how much we paid for this, because I think he should charge much more. I think we were super fortunate to catch him at a time where he is just starting out in the wedding photography world, and I hope that soon he will raise his prices to better reflect the quality of his work and the effort he puts into it. I've had friends whose photographers missed key moments of the wedding, or some who ended up with only a handful of pictures when it was all said and done. Sean was there for everything, constantly clicking, and the end result was over 800 photos for us to chose from. He caught everything and the pictures are perfect. Here's a few of my favorites...

So while Sean might one day not be an "on the cheap" photographer, I have a feeling his rates are still going to be insanely reasonable for quite a while, so if you're looking for a photographer you should totally contact him. He is amazing. And it's also good advice to contact local newspapers and find freelance photographers that way. You might luck out like we did and get someone who is experienced and right on the brink of becoming a wedding photographer and not yet charging what they can in the future for their work. Their pictures will also probably possess the same editorial qualities that ours do, which is a style that we love.

On top of this, I got an email from living social soon after we got our photos that was a deal for a custom photo album, hardcover and free shipping, for only $7. I snatched it right up, and we put together a lovely book of over 40 of our images with an interesting layout and fun backgrounds. It would have normally been $35, so it was a tremendous deal. The site was York Photo, and after I ordered the book, they also gave me 20 free prints! We now have prints to put in some frames we got, and some to give to our families.

Between the photo booth, Sean, the album, and the prints, we couldn't be happier with the photography aspect of our wedding.

three ring circus

First, a couple of interesting updates...

When I went to get my wedding dress cleaned, I learned that the minimum charge would be $120!! I'm sure that's completely normal and reasonable but I just was not anticipating anything even close to that, so I said no thank you and went on my way. I checked the donation website and they actually don't require that you have your dress cleaned before you send it to them, so they will be getting my slightly dirty dress in the mail shortly (don't judge).

Also I just finished reading this really hilarious and sweet and amazing book called Let's Pretend This Never Happened by Jenny Lawson. I'm not only bringing it up because I can't recommend this book enough and you all should read it, but also because I bought this book in the airport before we left for Jamaica, and I found out that they have this awesome program where if you buy a book at the airport and return it within six months in any condition, they refund you half of the price you paid! I thought that was quite genius.

Ok now onto the new stuff...

My engagement ring literally cost almost as much as our entire wedding. It's a round 0.71 carat diamond solitaire on a white gold band, from Milanj Diamonds. David is so proud, he could talk about it for hours... how the cut grade is "ideal" and the color grade is a D (meaning it is completely colorless, which is a good thing... like, basically colorless is the BEST color for a diamond to be). When he gave it to me he pointed out how there were actually heart and arrow shapes in the stone if you looked at it from different angles, and the symmetry and polish were both categorized as "very good." This ring was a budget buster and definitely was not "on the cheap."

Funny side note - Milanj was not subtle at all, and would send things to David in the mail, with handwritten envelopes. This can make the woman you've been dating for almost four years a little bit suspicious and anxious. The first time they mailed him something, I just put it in his mail pile and let him find it on his own, giving him the false hope that maybe I hadn't noticed it. The second time, I handed it to him directly. He opened it in front of me and then crumpled it up and threw it out in the trash can. I saw that instead of just throwing it on top of all the other trash, he actually picked up the empty container on the top of the pile and shoved the paper underneath. Of course when he left the room I dug right in to find the paper (again, don't judge me), and when I did I realized it was just the envelope - he had taken whatever was inside with him. Pretty sneaky. It was something about the insurance... but come on, Milanj. Email!!

In contrast to my not-cheap engagement ring, we spent a long time looking for a good deal on our wedding bands. David found his on ebay. It's tungsten, a thick silver colored band with two thin gold colored stripes on the sides. And it cost a whopping $45. My band is totally a story where it's all about who you know, and maybe some good karma thrown in there as well.

I run with an amazing organization called Back on My Feet, which uses running to help those experiencing homelessness change the way they see themselves so they can make real change in their lives that results in employment and independent living. Every Wednesday morning at 530am, I go with a group of students from Moore College of Art & Design (where I work) to the House of Passage shelter. Moore is an all female school, and HOP is an all female shelter, and it is an amazing experience to see these two groups interact. It's truly inspiring.

One of the non-resident members of our group who was the team leader at the time is named Chakir, and he is just a bundle of sweet smiling energy. How anyone can be so hyper and happy at 530am every morning is beyond me. It felt like a gift to start my day by being around him - you can't help but smile when you're in his presence, even if he's making you do jumping jacks or run 3 miles. After we became friends on facebook, I saw that his day job was selling jewelry. I told him I was looking for a ring and he told me to come to the store where he worked one day after work.

When I got there, I was a little discouraged to see some beautiful rings that cost somewhere around $2,000, just a tiny bit out of my budget. He said to just find one with a look that I liked, and that he might be able to find one that looked the same but was just slightly lower quality and in my price range (which I had told him was more around the $250 mark). I was skeptical, but I showed him the one I liked, which was white gold and had small diamonds all along the top of the band. The very next day he texted me a photo of what looked like the same exact ring and said he could get it for me for $245. I of course said yes, and a week later I had my ring.

Chakir could do this because he not only works at the high end diamond store, but he also has his own jewelry business called Chakir Jewelry. He can check with his suppliers to find rings that the store most likely wouldn't carry, and can also sell them to his friends at cost so you don't get killed with the crazy mark up. And that's exactly what he did for me.

Throughout the entire wedding planning process I was continually surprised and grateful for what my friends and family did for me, and how even people that I didn't know very well were willing to help. So my advice to you is to take advantage of every resource and try to look for connections... and maybe take some time out of your day to do something good for someone else too.

Oh and also, try to get engaged to a guy who thinks you're so great, he buys you a diamond the size of a... hmm... what's something that's just big enough that the exaggeration is funny? Like... a Crunch Berry? Yes. A diamond the size of a Crunch Berry.

playing dress up

When I imagined what my wedding dress would look like, I didn't envision the traditional long white gown that most women do. I thought it might be fun to go to an expensive department store and get a beautiful designer gown that I would never have purchased in my everyday life, one that was super fancy and any color I wanted and just fun. I started looking at dresses online and in the mall, and everyone was asking me if I was going to go look at traditional gowns. I realized that I probably should go just to have that experience - I mean, when else in your life do you get to try on wedding dresses? I needed to take advantage of this opportunity!

So I made my way to David's Bridal with my mom and my two friends Jeanette and Colette. I had already printed out the 8 dresses I wanted to try on, and when we got to the store, as my beyond awkward sales associate tried to ask me questions to try to figure out my style, I handed her the paper and said something along the lines of "I want to try on these 8 dresses." This was apparently impossible for her to understand, as she put me in one that wasn't on the list and only brought in two that were. Fortunately they were my top two choices. I think she was still hung up on the fact that I told her I only had one bridesmaid and that she was allowed to wear whatever she wanted - it was like when you see a sci-fi movie and they tell a robot a paradox in an attempt to disable it, and it's all "this does not compute," and then its head smokes up and explodes. That was my sales associate.

The two dresses I tried on that were on my list sealed the deal - I was going to get one. After going back and forth for quite some time, I decided on this dress by Vera Wang, originally $1028 but on sale then for $699 (and now for $449, apparently). They had only two in stock, and one was exactly my size. It literally needed no alterations except to be hemmed. So I bought it right then and there and took it home with me. The alterations were done about a month before the wedding and they came to $120 (good thing I only needed it hemmed!). Oh and here's a way stupid thing you should know - David's makes you buy the garment bag to take the dress home in for ten bucks. I mean, I guess they don't make you, in theory you could bring your own? But when you're not expecting to take a dress physically home with you the day you buy it, you're kind of in a bind.

I give David's high marks because I LOVED my dress, and the prices really can't be beat. However, expect them to call you basically every day from the day you buy your dress until your wedding, asking you what else they can sell to you help you with. I don't know how many times I told them my groom already bought a suit, or my bridesmaid would not be shopping at David's, or I wasn't going to need a veil (oh that's another thing - people are totally going to get weird with you about veils - for some reason, people feel very strongly about them and think it's extremely strange if you don't want to wear one, some seem almost personally offended).

I knew I wanted another short party dress, since we would be spending the night partying in Atlantic City after the ceremony, and then I would be wearing my long dress again at the reception at my house, and I didn't want it covered in red wine or vomit or anything. I wanted the party dress to also be white and bridal looking, so that people in the casinos and clubs would pay attention to me and ask me if I just got married, because I am a Leo and love attention. I searched on Amazon and found this amazing BCBG dress that completely fit the bill. It was on sale, and I saw that they had it at Bloomingdale's so I went there to try it on and was sold. But I was still kind of hoping to find it for less online, so I went home and looked for deals. I was so happy to see that Amazon was actually having a deal that week on all clothing, and I ordered the dress for $140 instead of the original $338 price tag. WIN!

So while I did end up spending a good amount on my dress(es), about a grand, I still got two dresses that I loved and one that I actually can wear again. David bought his suit at Express and got an amazing deal on the whole thing (pants, shirt, vest, jacket, and tie) - Express is always having great sales, and he caught one that was 40% off EVERYTHING. So he made out like a bandit, and his suit didn't need any tailoring, because he has the body of an Express model (oh, another win for me!).

I'm now looking for places to donate my long gown, and I think I'm going to go with St. Anthony's Bridal - a non-profit that lets underprivileged brides borrow dresses or buy them for a super low price. It's such a weird item of clothing - you spend so much money on it, it is perfectly tailored to fit your body, and you wear it for just a few hours but on the most important day of your life... and then what? I realized I needed to get rid of it sooner rather than later, before I started developing a hoarders type attachment to it. So this weekend it will go to the cleaners, and then in a box, and then off to the next lucky lady who gets to wear this beautiful dress on her special day.

wedding expo = free samples

My friend Cory runs a business called Philly Penny Press. It's amazing - you can rent one of those penny squishing machines you see at the Zoo or the Liberty Bell or that one truck stop in South Carolina where you can get one that says "never trouble trouble until trouble troubles you" (no, seriously, I got one that said that...). Philly Penny Press let's you pick from different image sets to be printed on the pennies, and you can decorate the actual machine however you want. Pennies are provided for your guests, who don't need any quarters to operate the machine. It's like the epitome of nostalgia.

Shortly after I got engaged, Cory was vending at a wedding expo called Lovesick, which features all kinds of unique and local caterers, photographers, interesting attractions like the Penny Press, and more. This expo is national, so you can find one near you and go. I highly recommend it - you find all sorts of unexpected options for your wedding, there are all kinds of giveaways, food and music, and tickets are way cheap (I was fortunate enough to be put on Cory's guest list, so David and I got in for free - a common theme which greatly helped make our wedding as affordable as it was).

A lot of the vendors you meet at the expo will offer you a special deal. We loved the idea of having a photo booth at our wedding, and there were two companies there that let us sample their booths and take home a photo strip.

The one we ended up going with was called Go Festive. After a tiny bit of negotiation (and don't be afraid to ask for lower prices on basically everything), they were able to offer us a crazy deal (more than 50% off the normal rate).

The great thing about the photo booth is that it knocks out both your favor (your guests get copies of their photos, and they put a little logo for you on the bottom with your names and wedding date) and your guest book (another copy prints out that they place in a scrap book and write a note next to, pretty much the most adorable and sometimes hilarious guest book ever). They bring props for people to use in their photos (sunglasses, bunny ears, and of course a hat with a giant hotdog on it). We also bought some big cardboard frames so people could hold them up in their photos, which ended up being super cute.

Afterwards you get access to every single set of photos online and they send them to you on a CD. They are so fun, and we got so many comments and compliments on what a great addition it was to our wedding. The photo booth gives you a lot of bang for your buck, and Go Festive was amazing to work with and crazy affordable.

Janine, me, and Lori - photo booth fun with old friends!